About two weeks ago, I attended my first academic conference since giving birth. My daughter was about 71/2 months old so I felt comfortable being away for 2 days. I kept telling myself that, "This is my life. I will always travel to three conferences a year so she/I need to get used to being away." The trip was a success despite the emotional trauma (I'll save that story for another post).
While I was at the conference, many colleagues congratulated me, asked to see pictures, inquired about my new life as a parent, and asked if I brought her along. This surprised me since we only have a few examples of academic (women, of course) who have made the conference a family affair. So, I explained that I want to begin the "mommy travels for work" pattern early and that I would feel too distracted with her around. I found out that I was too distracted with her back at home as well. (Does it get any easier?) The message was that I did the right thing by coming to the conference and that leaving her home was an appropriate choice.
Another colleague and friend, however, also came to the conference and left a very young child (under 3 months) at home. On several occasions, I heard her criticized: "I can't believe that Prof X came right after having a child." "How could she leave her child at home?" "Who is caring for the child?" And my favorite, "It is just cruel to leave such a little baby at home without his mother."
Now, if my colleague stayed at home, she would of been criticized for not attending conferences, presenting, or networking which are all important for getting tenure. Yet another "no win" situation for academic parents. And yes, I am a little bitter right now.
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Hmm. I don't like the idea that a 3 month old can't stay with one parent/caretaker while the other parent works. I'm just stunned that people made such comments. I also think that people are more open to seeing babies at academic conferences than many new moms might think. (out of worrying about doing the 'right thing.')
I've always loved to see my friends kids, and I have no doubt we'll be taking a 6 month old to an academic conference. I can imagine leaving her at home, but I want everyone to be able to see her. :) We've thought about bringing along grandma to help entertain her when we're 'conferencing.' However, I also think that staying home from a conference (if you have a job and have no job market needs) is a fine choice the first year. I don't buy into the idea that 1 year of conferences is crucial to "networking" or "remaining active" in the field. However, I can believe that its a nice time to get a way and just put your scholarly hat on for the weekend... and get a lot of work done. Maybe I should rethink my "bring the baby" plan after all...
Sometimes I think we can't see the forest for the trees.
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