FMLA Changes

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The "No Win" Situation

About two weeks ago, I attended my first academic conference since giving birth. My daughter was about 71/2 months old so I felt comfortable being away for 2 days. I kept telling myself that, "This is my life. I will always travel to three conferences a year so she/I need to get used to being away." The trip was a success despite the emotional trauma (I'll save that story for another post).

While I was at the conference, many colleagues congratulated me, asked to see pictures, inquired about my new life as a parent, and asked if I brought her along. This surprised me since we only have a few examples of academic (women, of course) who have made the conference a family affair. So, I explained that I want to begin the "mommy travels for work" pattern early and that I would feel too distracted with her around. I found out that I was too distracted with her back at home as well. (Does it get any easier?) The message was that I did the right thing by coming to the conference and that leaving her home was an appropriate choice.

Another colleague and friend, however, also came to the conference and left a very young child (under 3 months) at home. On several occasions, I heard her criticized: "I can't believe that Prof X came right after having a child." "How could she leave her child at home?" "Who is caring for the child?" And my favorite, "It is just cruel to leave such a little baby at home without his mother."

Now, if my colleague stayed at home, she would of been criticized for not attending conferences, presenting, or networking which are all important for getting tenure. Yet another "no win" situation for academic parents. And yes, I am a little bitter right now.

Who Writes for This Blog?

GenderAnalyzer believes that this blog is being written by a Man......see the results.

What can you reasonably do?

This week my dean and department chair both expressed concern to me about how much program-related work I'll be able to do in the coming year ("reasonably" speaking) given that I'll have a two year-old and a six month-old when I return to my teaching duties next fall. They are doing their jobs - they have to look out for the future of our program and gauge my contributions in advance to decide how much extra assistance they will need - but I couldn't help but map my own insecurities onto their comments and questions. The answer is I DON'T KNOW. I only have one child now, and it's hard. We can't afford much in the way of childcare given where we live and what I make, so we have to rely on family and my family has limits in terms of what they can provide. We plan to hire more help next year but with this economy - and based on the fact that when I'm on leave I get minimal merit pay, and we don't get *any* cost-of-living allowance from year to year - we won't have a whole load of additional resources to put toward childcare next year. Part of me fears I'll become obsolete in my own program because of two maternity leaves and the resulting limitations on my time. Here I spent more than a decade building this career, thinking I could do it all (isn't that what they tell us?). Meanwhile my OB keeps telling me not to stress about anything (I'm six months pregnant and high risk for premature delivery). Any advice from other tenure-going parents out there? The "reasonable" part of me says do your best, give it time, this is a temporary blip on the screen of your worklife, and all women suffer this double bind of trying to be mommy and employee at once; and it's even harder when you're faculty and the tacit expectations of your work spill over into all days and hours of your life. I can say I am doing my best. I'm just not sure it's good enough (and if it is now, I'm not sure it will be in 6-12 months).