Tuesday, November 18, 2008
What can you reasonably do?
This week my dean and department chair both expressed concern to me about how much program-related work I'll be able to do in the coming year ("reasonably" speaking) given that I'll have a two year-old and a six month-old when I return to my teaching duties next fall. They are doing their jobs - they have to look out for the future of our program and gauge my contributions in advance to decide how much extra assistance they will need - but I couldn't help but map my own insecurities onto their comments and questions. The answer is I DON'T KNOW. I only have one child now, and it's hard. We can't afford much in the way of childcare given where we live and what I make, so we have to rely on family and my family has limits in terms of what they can provide. We plan to hire more help next year but with this economy - and based on the fact that when I'm on leave I get minimal merit pay, and we don't get *any* cost-of-living allowance from year to year - we won't have a whole load of additional resources to put toward childcare next year. Part of me fears I'll become obsolete in my own program because of two maternity leaves and the resulting limitations on my time. Here I spent more than a decade building this career, thinking I could do it all (isn't that what they tell us?). Meanwhile my OB keeps telling me not to stress about anything (I'm six months pregnant and high risk for premature delivery). Any advice from other tenure-going parents out there? The "reasonable" part of me says do your best, give it time, this is a temporary blip on the screen of your worklife, and all women suffer this double bind of trying to be mommy and employee at once; and it's even harder when you're faculty and the tacit expectations of your work spill over into all days and hours of your life. I can say I am doing my best. I'm just not sure it's good enough (and if it is now, I'm not sure it will be in 6-12 months).
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2 comments:
I googled "reasonable" and I came up with a few definitions: showing reason or sound judgment; fair. In the definition lies that ambiguity of the question which your colleagues posed -- you can't make a fair or sound decision when there are so many unknowns when it comes to child rearing. Your new child may have colic, be fussy, be calm, be a special needs child, etc. You may also breast feed which takes up a considerable amount of time. You may get ill before or after the pregnancy. You may experience postpartum, etc. Not to mention that you don't know how the older child will react to a new baby.
My advice is to tell them that you would like to work on one or two committees/assignments and that you will check-in once you are able to make a "sound judgement." In the meantime, childcare would really make a big difference. I say that my full-time job = full-time childcare and we make serious financial sacrifices (like not buying a house) and we get financial help from our families. Even one or two hundred dollars can make a difference.
I think that you need to say that you will prioritize your commitments such that you can make reasonable progress toward T&P. Your goal should be to have an "average" year in terms of your commitments. You are not going to "excel" while adjusting to new personal situations. However, it is important that you do your job competently and that others perceive you doing your job competently. This doesn't mean you won't have bad weeks (sick child) or transition stress. And, you should negotiate your commitments so that you can honor them. But, overall I think its very important that you remain a reliable colleague to what you *can* or *need* to commit yourself to doing.
If I was your department chair or Dean I do not think I would be empathetic to the "don't know" response. But then again, if I was your Dean/chair I would not ask such a question. I would assume that you do know what is expected for a typical person in your position and just because some people have kids and others do not does not mean those expectations change. If I were in your shoes I would thank my lucky stars that they have opened the door to your re-negotiating some of your commitments. But I would do so very carefully, as Jaime suggests.
I don't think you would ever consider trying to get tenure/get promoted while holding another 40+ hour a week job, and yet by not hiring child care that is precisely what you are contemplating. You will not be successful in any workplace if you do not put in the quality time and commitment that non-pregnant/kiddo'd faculty put on average into the position. You must solve the childcare issue or you will ultimately pay the price by needing to find another position.
I'm sorry to be so blunt, but I'm a realist about these issues. I've never been of the opinion that I can "do it all." Frankly, I think that's just a fantasy for anyone who is not very rich. We all make sacrifices - some of us to pay for more childcare than we can afford, to delay getting homes, to delay having children, and some of us decide that we cannot afford childcare for two children and have a successful career given the pay that we make.
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