Quote of the week - god bless my mother

These last few weeks have been extremely challenging balancing work and family. Being in the middle of the semester means that I have a load of grading to do, a conference paper to write, at least one revise and resubmit for a journal, and planning for the approaching holidays. When I felt really low the other night after a not-so-great teaching experience, I called my mother to ask her how she managed as a working mom of three. She said,

You are your own worst critic. If you only have 20% to give, be okay with that 20% and realize that you are doing your best.

Yes, this is pretty obvious advice, but it was just what I needed. I don't need to give 100% in every aspect of my life all the time. Thanks mom!

Embarrassing Moment

Picture this....I am sitting at my desk typing on my laptop when my male colleague walks in the door. As I turn around to greet him, my foot hits the breast pump sitting on the floor near my left foot. Out comes one of the breastshields, rolling down the center of my office.



I'll admit that I am a little uncomfortable with the entire breast pump set-up. The science fiction tube-coming-out-of-my-body look is not one that I like to share with people, especially faculty colleagues. So, when I quickly grabbed the breastshield and stashed it under the flap of the pump bag, I just prayed that he would understand that this is just one of the many embarrassing moments that I have encountered as a working mom.

Quote of the week -- children as pets

Each day begins with the pumping ritual. I sit on my bed, strap on the breast pump and open my computer to read emails and blog posts. This morning, I came across comments on a post on Mama PhD, one of the many blogs that I read daily. I am stunned.

Perhaps childcare is not reimbursed because that’s not fair to those who are childless. I don’t get reimbursed for care for my animals (who are elderly and require medication) when I go away to a conference either, and while it’s not as expensive as childcare, it’s not cheap. Nor do people caring for their elderly parents get money to hire a nurse while they go to a conference, often they are torn whether to go at all.

As a single person who has no children, I do have a bit of a chip on my shoulder about this, because the university spends less on me yet gets the same amount of work— i don’t have a spouse or child who take advantage of health care benefits, or tuition remission, or any other perks available, but don’t receive any additional compensation. I understand that having children requires more resources, but I don’t think it’s fair of parents to always expect to get more just because they chose to be parents. Having children means being willing to pay for these expenses yourself. It’s part of the deal.

Also, if you include childcare expenses, it could give a university a reason to turn down your funding request in favor of someone who doesn’t require them, saying you cost more to send than someone else.

Presidential Candidates Plans for Work-Life Issues: Part II

Another good post to look at before you go to the polls on November 4th.

How I Stay Motivated?

As I sit and write my much overdue conference paper, I look over at this picture and try to remember that if I get the paper done I can go home to a beautiful baby.

Help - Child Care is too Expensive

Affordable child care if one of the most important issues that academic families face. I often tell my more business minded family members and friends that you don't go into the professoriate for the money. Faculty work is about passion for a scholarly interest, educating students, etc. with the perks of flexibility, autonomy, and good benefits. Yet, we do have financial realities, such as the increasing cost of child care. I pay $2,000 per month for a mostly full-time in-home child care provider which I am only able to manage with financial help from those business minded parents. Thanks goodness for their successful business ventures.

Research note that on average assistant professors make $61,000 per year with only a $10,000 increase at the associate level. Child care ranges from $4,500 to $14,000 per year for one child (see this report) and up to $25,000 per year for two children. Do the math -- that is a pretty good percentage of your total assistant professor salary. While some universities offer on-campus child care centers at a reduced rate, availability is limited, there is often little to no oversight, and the cost can still be too much for a family of four on an academic salary.

I want to praise University of Washington for their efforts to provide financial assistance to graduate students who need child care and I challenge all institutions to consider additional financial assistance to faculty to help with child care costs. A few hundred dollars a month would go a long way!

Presidential Candidates Plans for Work-Life Issues

An important blog just came out on McCain's and Obama's plans to help work-life issues. Given my status as a working parent who struggles with a host of issues ranging from affordable childcare to paid maternity leave, I find there articles crucial to the election. I hope this helps you make a decision come November 4th.

Here is the link to the article.

Revealing Our Parenting Status

When I first conceived of this blog, I imagined a group of tenure-track faculty who would post once or twice a month on a variety of topics related to parenting in the academe. Many of the people whom I spoke with revealed that they were too concerned that their identities would be revealed and that their posts would prove detrimental in the tenure review process. Of course, I am sympathetic to these feelings since we have ample evidence that faculty, particularly women faculty, have difficulty achieving tenure as parents.

Today, Drama Mama posted on Mama PhD her own thoughts and feelings regarding the concern of being revealed as a parent. Check out her post.

Last week was a success

Birthed alongside my daughter was a new level of anxiety. I have never been a particularly over anxious individual and I was often considered by friends and family as a relaxed and unflappable person. Yet, when our daughter was born, I developed an anxiety similar to those characteristic of a grandmother -- "Be careful walking down the street. Are you sure that it is safe to fly? Is this a safe neighborhood?" -- not the level of anxiety that warrants Xanax.

Last week, when had a new person, my mother-in-law, taking care of our daughter and I was concerned about 1,000 different scenarios where something could go wrong. Here are a few of my crazy thoughts:

• Our daughter will get upset because she with a new person.
• They will go on a walk and get hurt and no one will know how to call me.
• Our daughter will just be generally unhappy.
• She won't eat.
• She won't sleep.

Thank goodness for my father who sometimes knows how to calm me down. He said, "Whatever your mother-in-law does, it is out of love." Of course! She loves her granddaughter unconditionally and will do anything to love, protect, and care for her. So, I was able to stop fretting over the situation at home and finally think about this dang article that I need to write.

Fridays, my favortite days

Fridays are my favorite days! Every Friday I take the day off and have a "Mommy and Baby" day. We go to gymboree and then have lunch with friends. We spend the rest of the day together involved in games and play.

Since I started back at work, I cherish these Fridays because they make me feel as if I am somehow accomplishing work/life balance. Even when I don't make it home before she goes to bed, I always have Fridays to devote my undivided attention to her every need, to see how much she has changed over the week, and to physically express my deep love for her. One day she will tire of my constant kisses.

I also take the day off work because I have fond memories of spending Saturdays with my mother. Although we would often partake in her favorite activity -- shopping -- I treasured those hours when we could just talk without interruptions from siblings, phone calls, or house chores.

Today, I woke up ready to push aside all my work worries, all my chores, and spend the day just with my daughter. This post is courtesy of her afternoon nap.

100 Best?

Insidehighered.org reported that several institutions of higher education received recognition from the Working Mother's 100 Best Employers Survey:

Cornell and Harvard Universities, and the health care systems of the University of Wisconsin and Virginia Commonwealth University, have all made the list of 100 best employers by Working Mother magazine.

Working Mother magazine uses seven different measures to identify the best employers, including worforce profile (not sure what this means), compensation, child care, flexibility, time off and leaves, family-friendly programs and company culture. While I imagine that Cornell and Harvard are doing a fine job when it comes to institutional climate, they are not necessarily the most progressive institutions when it comes to family-friendly policies. For a list of those institution, see my previous post on family-friendly policies. Also, I am skeptical when any survey ranks higher education alongside the corporate sector. How can faculty work be compared to all other professions when we are typically 9 month employees with autonomy, flexibility, etc.?