Conferences have always been a welcome respite from the pattern of faculty work. I look forward to those extended conference weekends away to see colleagues and friends from around the country, to become entrenched in scholarship, and to network with new colleagues. The receptions, presentations, conversations are invigorating. Life with baby is different and thus conferencing would also change.
The initial concerns about going away to a conference without baby were more logistic such as how would I bring back pumped breast milk and how was my husband going to handle the night feedings (he does not currently get up for those)? I also asked myself, would Mack experience separation anxiety? Would she sleep and eat? How would I feel about being away from her? Additionally, I worried about my own emotional well-bring since I am not used to being away from baby overnight.
My first attempt at conferencing without baby went very well. Mack did not have any separation anxiety issues, my husband did a wonderful job caring for her every need, and I successfully accomplished all my conference goals, presenting, etc. BUT, there was still this nagging feeling while I was away. I couldn't help but feel as if something was fundamentally missing, as if one of my arms was left at home. I was mentally and physically "off" and I yearned to return home. The trip home was a rush to get back to her, to hold her in my arms and feel complete again.
I did not and would not bring Mack to a conference since I am attempting to "start as I plan to go" which means that I want to establish certain patterns from the very beginning of her life. Mom (and Dad) will continue to go to 2-3 conferences each year for the rest of her life. She needs to be okay with us being away. I have a feeling, however, that my conferences will not be as joyful nor will I want to linger. I will need to hurry home to feel whole once again.
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